1.
Epidemiologists...
are variable lovers.
2.
Epidemiology is more
than skin deep.
3.
Epidemiologists...
prefer close associations.
4.
Nobody outmatches an
epidemiologist!
5.
EXCITE AN
EPIDEMIOLOGIST… cause an effect.
6.
Epidemiologists... prefer causal
relationships.
7.
If you have the TIME
and PLACE, I'm the PERSON.
8.
It takes on
significance... with an epidemiologist.
9.
Epidemiologists... make better
cohorts.
10.
Epidemiologists do it... all the
TIME EVERYWHERE with EVERYBODY.
11.
WHOWHATWHENWHEREWHYHOW spells Epidemiology!
12.
Cancer Causes
Epidemiology
13.
Epidemiologists...rate!
14.
Epidemiologists... know all the
methods
15.
Epidemiologists... avoid spurious
relationships.
16.
Epidemiologists... are
well-adjusted.
17.
Epidemiologists... do it without
bias.
18.
Epidemiologists... always need
analysis.
19.
Respond...
to an Epidemiologist.
20.
Epidemiologists... do it with
informed consent (confidentiality guaranteed).
21.
Nobody outmatches my
dad the epidemiologist!
22.
No one counts like
my wife the epidemiologist!
23.
Tell me your
attributes and I'll tell you your chances.
24.
Get your case
under control with an epidemiologist.
25.
Epidemiologists... make a
significant difference.
26.
Epidemiologists...Count!
27.
Epidemiologists... do it with
reliability.
28.
Epidemiologists… do it with
populations.
29.
Epidemiologists… do it randomly.
30.
Epidemiologists need
infection too!
31.
Epidemiologists... do it with 95%
confidence
32.
Epidemiologists... are matchmakers.
33.
Epidemiologists... have nice
figures.
34.
Epidemiologists... have the odds.
35.
Epidemiologists... do it for your
health.
36.
Epidemiologists... give group rates.
37.
Epidemiologists... look for
meaningful relationships.
38.
Epidemiologists... have interesting
transmissions.
39.
Epidemiologists... love Snow jobs.
40.
Epidemiology... is a risky business.
41.
Epidemiologists... leave nothing to
chance.
42.
Epidemiologists... do it with
increased frequency.
43.
No,
I am not a skin doctor!
44.
Epidemiologists... do in the field!
45.
Epidemiologists... compare and save.
46.
Ride the downhill
slope - with epidemiologists!
47.
Sample an
epidemiologist!
48.
Frost follows Snow,
in epidemiology.
49.
Co-relate with an
epidemiologist!
50.
Dat-a
Epidemiologist!
Old epidemiologists never die...
Old epidemiologists never
die... they just don’t count
anymore. (CONTEST WINNER)
Old epidemiologists never
die... they just get very
retrospective.
Old epidemiologists never
die... they just lose their external
validity.
Old epidemiologists never
die... they just become totally
confounded.
Old epidemiologists never
die... they just suffer from an age
effect.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they are just less likely to
respond.
Old Epidemiologists
Never Die... they just fulfill their
life expectancy.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... their data just get soft.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just don't count
anymore.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just assume new
configurations.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just reach infinite
significance.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they simply cross-over.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die...their thoughts just get morbid
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they get adjusted
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they simply cross over
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they make Type III errors
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they can’t get their SMR’s up
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just lose power
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just become less
prevalent
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just go double-blind
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just get age adjusted
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just lose their effect
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... but on the average, they
regress and get mean
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... there is always a finite
probability of surviving another 24 hours
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they are just lost to
followup
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they are distributed randomly
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they indirectly adjust their
age
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just lose controls
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... it's an epidemiologic
fallacy.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just redefine their
parameters.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they just add to the sum of
squares.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they’re afraid it causes
bladder cancer.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die... they can't agree on a cause
of death.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they have herd immunity.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their effect just gets modified
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just don't interact as
much
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just become a discordant
pair
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they’re done in by their
agents.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just end up in analysis
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they’re just under-reported
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…they just reach their confidence
limits.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… but they do get tired of
hearing AIDS.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just plot new peaks.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just ride off into the
subset.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just risk being relatively
odd.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… it's too risky.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…they just reinterpret temporal
relationships.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… until their names appear in 80
column obituaries.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just exceed the highest
age stratum.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just get ring around the
cholera.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… but their responses are
variable.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they are just distributed
randomly.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just become lost to
follow-up.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just count less.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their data just get soft.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just can't be traced.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their lives just get tabled.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their case just loses control.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… Anyway, that's how they
interpret the data.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they're just broken down by age
and sex.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just leave their cohorts
behind.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just fail their goodness
of fit.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their samples just get smaller.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… can't find a job? That's why!
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just cause new effects.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… but they do tend to suffer from
doze-response effects.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just put their relatives
at risk!
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… anyhow that’s how they
interpret the data
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… because they’ve learned
to control for age.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just correct all their
risk factors.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just retire and go fishing
for salmonellosis and farm for tuberculosis.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their life just gets tabled
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just don't factor in the
analysis.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they become step-wise.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they are just no longer
prevalent.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just become insignificant.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… their effects just get
modified.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just drop out.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just get lost in the
field.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…they just cause a new effect
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…they just can't quite manage the
logistics of life.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…they just rate lower.
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die… they just do less than
expected.
The Intro
Dear Sir,
I enclose a semantic exercise on
chemists which, applied to the community of epidemiologists,
might consitute the basis for one of your entertaining and
instructive competitions.
Old Organic Chemists Never Die...
“they just get substituted”
“they just slowly decompose”
“but they become
unstable”
“but they seldom exceed the
activation
energy for coupling”
“but they grow more and more
aromatic”
“they just lose control of their
apparatus”
New Scientist, September 22, 1983
To set the ball rolling, here
goes:
Old Epidemiologists Never Die...
“they just become less and less
probable”
Old Epidemiologists Never Die...
“they just join the trohoc”
(with apologies to Alvan
Feinstein)
The first applies more to
statisticians than to epidemiologists and the second is
probably too much of an “in” joke to gain wide currency. I
have no doubt other members of the herd can do better.
Michel Thuriaux
Old Epidemiologists Never
Die…
Old Epidemiologists Never Die…
but perpetuate the title
for tho they do no longer shed
we study bout the life they led
which keeps the butter on our bread
and our
statistics vital
A Lesson in Epidemiology from
Casanova: Surgeon: I have made a good deal of
money, and it is to you, Captain-God bless you!- That I am
indebted for my personal comforts. Captain: How so?
Surgeon: In this way, Captain. You had a connection
with Don Jerome's housekeeper, and he left her. When you went
away with a certain souvenir which she communicated to a
certain friend of hers, who, in perfect good faith, made a
present to his wife. This lady did not wish, I suppose to be
selfish and she gave her souvenir to a libertine, who in turn
was so generous with it, that within less than a month, I had
about fifty clients.” Reproduced with permission of
McGraw-Hill Inc. from The Illustrated Treasury of Medical
Curiosa by Art Newman, Copyright 1988
Mench’s Laws:
·
The data you have
are not the data you want
·
The data you want
are not the data you need
The data you need are not the data you can get
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